U.S. Department of Homeland SecurityWashington, D.C. 20528Tel: 1-206-xxx-xxxx or 206-xxx-xxxxFax: 1-206-xxx-xxxx or 206-xxx-xxxxAttn: Beneficiary,My name Mrs. Janet Napolitano I was sworn in on January 21, 2009 as the third Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security. Prior to joining the Obama Administration, I was mid-way through her second term as governor of the state of Arizona. While governor, I became the first woman to chair the National Governors Association, where I was instrumental in creating the Public Safety Task Force and the Homeland Security Advisors Council. I also chaired the Western Governors Association. i previously served as the Attorney General of Arizona and the U.S. Attorney for the District of Arizona. I want you to please get back to me and contact Mr. Paul Smith for the release of your ATM CARD. Send me Email: - [real address with "Napolitano" misspelled snipped] or call me on: - Tel: 1-206-xxx-xxxx or 206-xxx-xxxx
It gets worse from there. Apparently I need to contact the "Federal Ministry of Finance" (which, I believe, is right down the hall from the "Department of Stupid Made-Up Names") about my "ATM CARD", which I have to pay $550 to use.